Why the Longevity of Any Relationship Relies on This Secret Combo

Have you ever heard the saying, “to go quickly, go alone. To go far, go together”?

Well in this instance I’m going to refer to concepts and not people.

The concepts are logic and emotional intelligence as it relates to resolving any argument.

9 times out of 10, if you want to reach a resolution quickly, use logic.

If you want effectiveness, use emotional intelligence.

But we want efficiency, right?

A quick and effective resolution.

To reach this, we must intertwine both logic and emotional intelligence.

Think about it…

If you and another person have a disagreement and you want the disharmony to end soon, the most logical thing to do would be to surrender and say “yes, I am wrong, and you are right”.

Okay, maybe not those words exactly, but you get the picture.

Convincingly telling the other person what you think they want to hear will resolve the issue quickly at that moment.

Boom, done, and you can get back to your life.

Except there’s one problem.

There was never a resolution.

There was only an engagement that was abandoned by one member, left there to be continued whenever the conversation is revisited, and you slip in how you really feel.

I pulled a “Kindness” card from a mindfulness deck today (a birthday gift from my thoughtful partner. Thanks babe 😉).

Its message was to listen deeply to others.

You might think,

“Yea, simple enough. Listen to the person instead of just hearing them”.

Or

“I get it. Pay attention to people’s words instead of thinking about my response for when they finish talking”.

I would hope you thought that at least.

But seriously, we have heard something similar before but today this card resonated with me in a life hack type of way.

Typically, when arguments take place in various dynamics, there is high emotion.

Words are exchanged that are reflective of those emotions.

Responses are reflective of the perception of those words.

And the cycle continues…

Unless we can integrate our dynamic duo.

Logic and emotional intelligence.

The key here, in any argument, is to pause and take a second to evaluate.

Try to suspend your emotions and view the argument from a bird’s eye view.

Strip away the body language, the tonality, and the facial expressions.

What are the words being said by the other person?

Once you can identify that, try to understand why they may have said them.

Whether or not you agree is not important at this moment but having clarity on their perspective is.

The root of an argument is simply participants wanting others to understand their point.

This is where emotional intelligence can be the ultimate savior.

The hard part is, during a disagreement, the words exchanged may not paint the entire picture.

Emotions get involved and after a while, both parties are uninterested in the other’s words.

Each party only knows that they are now bothered and would like to disengage.

Maybe after a few hours, or days (hopefully no longer), a resolution is reached when harmony is desired, and parties are calm enough to “try again”.

This time around, the emotions have already been expressed and felt, and the same words from before are reiterated.

However, this time, words are heard more clearly.

Harmony is restored and both parties carry on.

Only having wasted precious time, in the disharmony, that they can never get back.

Let’s save time and energy.

Again, logic and emotional intelligence.

Logic craves timeliness and efficiency.

Pause, assess the situation, and collect data sooner than later.

Emotional intelligence craves understanding and resolution.

Process and evaluate what you gather sympathetically.

The next time, you find yourself looking to find a resolution with a romantic partner, business partner, family member, or friend

Remember…

To get there quickly, use logic alone. To get there effectively, use emotional intelligence. To get there efficiently, use both.

Thank yourself later.

Stay normal,

The Broken Extrovert